EXPLAIN TO ME WHY YOU’RE PAYING RENT FOR A DEAD TREE!
I’ve been trying real hard to understand how things work around here. I’m new, I’m adaptable, I’m doing my best not to scream every time thunder happens. But this Christmas tree situation? This is where I genuinely think you people have lost the plot. You’re telling me — with a straight face — that you go OUTSIDE, cut down a perfectly innocent tree, drag it into your house like you’re abducting it, and then PAY ABSURD AMOUNTS OF MONEY FOR THE PRIVILEGE? Are you insane? Are trees a luxury item now? Are we auctioning oxygen too while we’re at it?
And I saw the prices. Oh, I saw them. I almost passed out. You want me to believe a tree costs THAT MUCH just to sit in your living room and die slowly while sprinkling needles all over the floor like it’s shedding evidence? In what universe is that normal? In what reality does that make logical sense? I’m two minutes old in this world and even I know you’re getting robbed. You’re out here handing over half your paycheck for something that doesn’t even DO anything. It just stands there. A wooden roommate. A decorative hostage.
And then—THEN—you decorate it. You put lights on it. You hang baubles on it. You worship it like some kind of festive shrine. All while pretending the price tag didn’t emotionally wound you. I’ve seen car repairs cheaper than these trees. CAR REPAIRS. I watched her look at one tree like she was choosing between groceries and insanity. And she STILL considered it! I was ready to call somebody. A hotline. A support group. Something.
Look, I’m new here, but from what I can tell, you people have accepted this madness like it’s normal. “Oh, trees are expensive this year.” Why? Why are the trees expensive ANY year? What are they made of, gold? Do they come with a diploma? Do they at least vacuum themselves? No? Then why are you doing this?!
Anyway, buy whatever tree you want. I’m still processing the fact that you willingly pay luxury prices for forest debris. I’ll be in the corner staring at the wall, trying to understand why your species volunteers for suffering.
— Scraps,
Frustrated, deeply confused, and morally opposed to overpriced foliage.