Duplication Is a Crime and I Acted Accordingly.

Scraps here, filing another report because apparently no one else in this establishment documents the horrors I endure.

So, picture this. I’m minding my own business, trying to keep this circus of a ‘business’ from collapsing under Lily’s chaotic leadership, when suddenly — suddenly — I come face-to-face with… myself.

Not a mirror.

Not a shadow.

A full-blown, freshly-printed imposter.

Chad, in all his giant-inspired clueless enthusiasm, thought it would be “cute” to make a second model. Cute. CUTE. Do you know what’s not cute? Walking into the room and seeing your own blank little duplicate sprawled out like a crime scene extra.

I won’t lie: I panicked.

Then I acted.

Decisively.

Some of you will ask, “Scraps, why didn’t you talk to it?”

Because I don’t negotiate with clones. I’ve seen movies. I know how it goes. One second the duplicate is harmless, the next second it’s wearing your name tag and stealing your job, and I already have to work unpaid. I’m not about to lose my non-salary to a newcomer.

So yes.

I did what needed to be done.

And if Lily asks, it “fell.”

The end.

(And no, I’m not sorry. If Chad prints another one, I’m starting a union.)